Three parts · 33 diagrams · Not medical advice
Newborns, Decoded
The baby arrives; the documentation does not.
What follows is a humorous field guide to the beautifully chaotic first months, assembled by someone who tried to reverse-engineer a newborn at 3 a.m. — and mostly failed, cheerfully. It renders those first weeks as the engineering system they secretly are: inputs, decisions, loops, and the occasional stress test.
You are not failing. You are debugging.
The series
Each part stands alone and runs one phase of the first months end to end. Part I is finished; Parts II and III follow.
The Initial Chaos
An overengineered survival manual for new parents — Part I of III
Settling Into the Rhythm
An overengineered survival manual for new parents — Part II of III
Rejoining the World
An overengineered survival manual for new parents — Part III of III
Complete set
All three parts — $32.99
All three parts — the whole first year, documented. Save 15% against buying them separately. Available once all three parts are out. →
How to use this book
No one hands you a manual for this. The baby arrives; the documentation does not.
What follows is a humorous field guide to the beautifully chaotic first months, assembled by someone who tried to reverse-engineer a newborn at 3 a.m. — and mostly failed, cheerfully. It renders those first weeks as the engineering system they secretly are: inputs, decisions, loops, and the occasional stress test.
Use the diagrams when your tired brain needs a next step, a laugh, or a reminder that newborn care is rarely linear. Read it out of order; skip what doesn't apply.
About the author
Lourenço Bandeira, PhD, is a data scientist and researcher with a background in artificial intelligence, pattern recognition, image analysis, and planetary science (not that kind of doctor — his patients are algorithms).
Then he became a father, and discovered that newborns are, in many ways, the most advanced and least documented system he had ever encountered: noisy, beautiful, unpredictable, frequently hungry, resistant to debugging.
He lives in Portugal with his family, where he continues to study complex systems — some involving artificial intelligence, and one involving a small child with strong opinions.